"What in the fresh hell is that position supposed to be?!?!"

"Is it safe to come out yet?"

"Cockblocked!"

"Thank god we have a full supply of Clorox wipes. I’m going to have to disinfect the whole damn shower…aaaaaaand apparently the sink too now. Great. Just great."

"Yeah, man, I agree that Victorian erotica can be very sexy, I’m just saying that it might not be your thing.”

"This isn’t the best thing I’ve ever seen, but it’ll do for now."

"He put it where?!"

"Don’t you shake that bag of kitty treats at me like it’s going to fix what just happened! It’s insulting my intelligence.

…But since you are asking I’d prefer salmon flavor.”

"Really? Here? There’s like three other beds in the house, and you pick the one I’m sleeping on?"

"I think she opened her legs a bit more. Yeah, like that."

"It doesn’t matter if you guys turn out the lightyou know I can see in the dark, right?”

"Just remember…I don’t sleep, I wait."

"He better wash his hands before he tries to pet me again."

"I am zipping myself in here and never coming back out. NEVER. You people disgust me!

…Also I am going to need someone to put kibbles through this hole 3-4 times a day.”

"Yeahhhhhh….we’re not impressed."